Of Lives Twice Lived
by lye tea
Summary: Drabbles.
1. Oblique

**Oblique**

In the village long-long ago, in the village she lived, there was winter.

The rivers ran frozen and still, heavy and lingering with dread. And Rin knew the cold better than anyone else. That was the winter she fell in—inside and out, felt her sides, ribs splitting with ice.

**-x-**

Sesshoumaru-sama, she decided, was like marble caked in snow. Hard like stone and frigid-skin bitter, biting to look-touch.

"Go and bathe," he told her.

And outside, white fell down in large flaky petals—inundated the world, breathed them alert and coaxed fatigued muscles to run a mile more (or die).

And Rin stood up firmly to bathe and smile.

She knew the cold better than anyone else.

**-x-**

The spider laid dead in her hands, sullen and still its skinny legs and stout body shivered from an invincible wind.

"Look," Rin said, furrowed her brows and pointed, "It stopped moving. Does it hurt…dying, I mean?"

Sesshoumaru smiled ironically, bared his teeth and dug into secrets a thousand feet deep. "I wouldn't know."

**-x-**

Sometimes, she would wait for him by a river. A river that flowed unbridled and unyielding.

And he returned worn and bloody, cuts blooming on his face.

And sometimes, they healed. But when they didn't, there remained faint scars, like feathers

**-x-**

Seventeen was the age of girlish, heart-twisted dreams.

Seventeen was when she stopped growing.

And that was when she stayed behind, waiting for him to come back and bring her promises—which always shattered before reaching her ears.


	2. Ringing

**Ringing**

There is a ringing in her ears that is not quite there. It's covered, muffled by something, and Rin is thinking (she is thinking now, here, and believing) that the ringing is the lie.

Or something else.

That she's not realizing, that she's not seeing. And that's always the part, where she ends up screaming.

And waking.

And drowning the world in her petty, childish fears.

But in the morning, when she can picture out his face again, the ringing stops. But not for long, and not for good. But also she doesn't know if the stopping is so good, not anymore.

Because he's like a nightmare too, in a different way.


	3. Left

**pairing: **Sesshoumaru x Rin

* * *

**Left**

She is now fifteen, and is old as the dirt trampled and grounded by feet and years. She is older than the earth, than any thing. Because at fifteen, she's ready to leave. And he's an old-old man now too (much, much older, and none the wiser). And he'll soon be too dropped-dead-beat to follow.

And that is all justifiable and fine.

In the morning, Rin stands up to go. Her heart is leaping but that's no excuse (and both of them know it).

Because after the seasons have died and passed, after the initial jolts of surprise, things change. And depart. And if she doesn't follow, she'll be left behind. Ditched and abandoned—like some five years go.

But now, it seems so much harder. But maybe that's what's so good about finally leaving, just acknowledging a resolution's coming. And catching up, that part, that was good too.

(He silently admits this too, but does not ever let her know. He'll be sad, he thinks. But it's strange and unexpected, the human part.)

And so, Rin is gone before the path could be beaten completely torn and worn. And so, a memory becomes a memory becomes where it belongs: a thing of the past.


	4. Hold

**Character: **Kikyou

* * *

**Hold**

Maybe there was a time before when she loved him. But that had been a long time ago (too long that she couldn't even remember anymore).

And now that she really _was_ clay and smoke, she had no heart to give. And he had no place to receive and treasure it.

Kikyou could see past her barriers and illusions, saw straight into the abysmal soul of her reincarnation. _Ka-go-me_. The girl called herself that. But Kikyou knew there was no name and there was no girl. And that everything Inuyasha touched and longed for had been fake.

Like she was in life (and in death).

And Kikyou did release her hold, _told_ him to go and leave and depart so at least one of them would stay intact. Inuyasha, like he struggled against her in life, refused. _You never listen_.

And you never say.

Because there had been no need (but there was now

but that didn't matter because she lost herself—and him).

Still, Kikyou had no regrets. No room, no time for nostalgia for what-if-this-had-been? For a thousand things she wished she could have redone, remade. Gone. And so was she. And so was she at peace, at last.

Her pulse became steady and her breath even and low. The rushing stopped. She was reborn.

And the death-god frowned at her wearily, had had _enough_ of her appearing and disappearing. And stated: this was the final time. And there would be no more portals for her left.

Kikyou nodded. It was time to move on.


End file.
